New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I have feelings that need drinking.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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