he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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