His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
