Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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