I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
