Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize