Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
