I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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