ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
