just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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