Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
