Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
