Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
