My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
