At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
