I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
