True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
