my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
