if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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