If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
