The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Randomize
