maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
