alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
