ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
