I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
