I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
