Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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