i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize