We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
