Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
