New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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