Who wears a wallet chain?!
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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