Your face is a jimmy john
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
