My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Randomize
