Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
