end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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