what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
