Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
