If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
