just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
