I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
