i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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