Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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