last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
