He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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