we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize