I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
