theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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