i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
