in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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