guys are not supposed to queef...right?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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