I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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