I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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