im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
