So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
