"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
