Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The feeling are messing with the penis
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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