On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
