dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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