Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
