I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
