Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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