Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
