who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
