every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize