...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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