Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
