After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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