If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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