i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I could fuck to npr.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
