Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
