I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
