It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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