While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
