He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
