MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
