I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
