Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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