Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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