I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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