I want to have your abortion
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I love having hate sex.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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