LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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