i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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