first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
