I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
