and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just googled if crying burns calories
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
