oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
