I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
