Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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